we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
