My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
