Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
