He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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