So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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