Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
