Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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