Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She even gives head with a lisp.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
