life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
