I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
