My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
