well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
