Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
