Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
