My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
