Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
