I'm gonna have a badass scar
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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