Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
