An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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