She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
