the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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