hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
