Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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