belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
