You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
