her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
