At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
