Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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