bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
