One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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