I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
