We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
