I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
