I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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