we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
