just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
