So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
