I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
