ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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