all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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