alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
