Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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