so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
