today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
