Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
