All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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