You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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