Heybabeimwearingurpanties
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
