i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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