i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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